Comments on: Why do parents put so much into methods of parenting instead of just being the best parents they can be?

By: http://sultan.org/

http://sultan.org/ — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 23:45:56 +0000

Praise be to Allaah.

The importance of honouring oneâ€™s parents is:

Firstly: it is obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

â€œAnd We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parentsâ€ [al-â€˜Ankaboot 29:8]

â€œAnd your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: â€˜My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was youngâ€™â€ [al-Israaâ€™ 17:23]

In al-Saheehayn it is reported that Ibn â€˜Abbaas said: â€œThe Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is the best? He said, â€˜Faith in Allaah and His Messenger, then honouring oneâ€™s parentsâ€¦â€™â€ And there are many other Aayat and Mutawaatir Ahaadeeth which say similar things.

Secondly: obeying and honouring oneâ€™s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: â€œHe is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.â€ It was said, â€œWho, O Messenger of Allaah?â€ He said, â€œThe person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.â€ (Saheeh Muslim, 4627).

Thirdly: Respecting and honouring them brings friendship and love.

Fourthly: respecting and obeying them is a way of showing gratitude to them because they are the ones who brought you into this world. You should also show gratitude towards them for bringing you up and taking care of you when you were young. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

â€œAnd We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parentsâ€ [Luqmaan 31:14]

Fifthly: if a person honours his parents this may be the cause of his own children honouring him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

â€œIs there any reward for good other than good?â€™ [al-Rahmaan 55:60]

And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

By: tinkymamma

tinkymamma — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 13:17:35 +0000

Attachment parenting is more like following instincts…no schedules, etc. Lots of people think breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing is ONLY what makes up AP parenting…but I always say those are just the perks. lol. AP really means being in-tune with your child(ren)…listening to them and guiding them instead of setting them on regimented schedules that are not conducive to what is truly good for THEM. Gentle discipline is a part of this, too.

I am an “AP parent” and ALL of my children have slept in their own beds. Not to say I didn’t TRY to get them to sleep with me. I just have very independent kids. I do what works for them.

By: grreengirrl

grreengirrl — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 14:24:50 +0000

I found that what I do just naturally fell into the Attachment Parenting label. I never knew that was what I practiced until a few years ago. I breastfed, co-slept, didn’t spank, communicated, used cloth diapers, etc. because those things felt natural and instinctual to me. When I did find some online AP communities, it wasn’t to cultivate my form of parenting, it was to get to know others who believed in the same things as me, because, frankly where I live I’m considered “weird”. It was through these online AP communities that I found others in my town who believed in the same forms of parenting as I did.

By: Reyna

Reyna — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 15:08:28 +0000

I agree with you, let’s not put a label on it!!

By: XXRAVENXX

XXRAVENXX — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 18:57:34 +0000

I completely agree. Every child is different, and only the parent knows best. You cant go by the books or rules. Its just like adults, they are all different. Just because one thing works for one child, the opposite may work for the next. Its up to the parent to decide. And people are so quick to judge because you dont go by the books. My son had severe Acid Reflux. I had to start him on cereal at 2 1/2 months. Well. I had so many Moms tell me that it was wrong an I shouldnt do it, because its not recommended. Well the pediatricia recommended it and that was the only way to keep his food down, then he finally started gaining weight. So how can another parent or a book tell you whats right or wrong? Only that parent knows whats best and works. And you should always trust your Mothers Instincts, not a book. I never go by what people tell me to do or I dont read books on how to parent. I take care and raise my son how I feel is best. I will take advice, but I will do what I think is right.

By: Ashley W

Ashley W — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 15:32:18 +0000

I read about different methods of parenting all of the time. I think everyone…including parents can use some guidance from time to time and can strive to be better in all aspects of their life. What I kind of do is incorporate portions of the different parenting styles that really appeal to me…and all don’t. But most of all I do go with my instincts. I think mothers really do have an deep rooted instinct when it comes to parenting. But above all, I have accepted that no matter how hard I may try I will not always be the best parent. That said I think it is great to be able to use any education out there to better my parenting skills so that my child may have the healthiest childhood.

By: momof4

momof4 — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 14:05:39 +0000

it used to be that there weren’t any parenting books but you lived near your mom and your aunts and you got all kinds of parenting advice from them. now many of us live in different states from our parents, with no help or advice, and are completely on our own about whether that color poop is an issue or what we can do about the kid who won’t eat vegetables or wakes up crying 20 times a night or whatever. i agree we should take advice, whether from “experts” or one another, with a grain (or more) of salt. but don’t most of us do that? we take the advice that makes sense to us personally and forget about the rest. i’ve found some good ideas in parenting books, and found other ideas ridiculous or just plain wrong. i still pick them up from time to time … i’m sure others have ideas i haven’t thought of, and it’s worth it to me to get some advice. i’ll choose whether to take it or not.

By: sensational79

sensational79 — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:37:51 +0000

because being who u really are doesnt work so therefore, must try a different strategy

By: Raja

Raja — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:30:03 +0000

I think that, in America especially, we have always had someone telling us what is the best way to go about doing many different things that we take someone elses advice on parenting more readily than someone from a different culture or country. The medical establishment hit hard and fast in this country and sought total domination of the field which meant we lost more of the natural practioners that had flourished beforehand. This same medical establishment then sought all of the different ways in which we could take their advice, especially if it got them more money.

The one area we’ve always thought we needed help in is parenting. It’s why columns like “Dear Abby” and books on parenting have flourished since the early 1900’s. We ALL feel like we’re not doing enough or we ALL feel overwhelmed with the job of it from time to time. Add a medical establishment that tells us, REPEATEDLY, that we cannot do anything ourselves, that we cannot let nature take its course and remain healthy, and you get a society much more willing to take advice that rational human beings would reject.

Contrary to what you believe, there have been parenting books and advice since the dawn of humanity on the planet.

~Raja

By: Sonya

Sonya — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:34:13 +0000

I follow my gut instinct with parenting. I have read about different styles so that I can get ideas that may help in my life. I incorporate tips and advice from several different sources, but ultimately, I’m following my gut.

However, I do find I identify more with some styles over others. For example, I agree with most of the principles of attachment style parenting…as that was what I was already doing on my own but without knowledge of the “style” existing. I am against Ferberizing as I don’t believe a child should cry it out.