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Attachment parenting/babywearing?
Posted by Administrator on May 5, 2007I have been reading about attachment parenting and I am confused.
It says that you should hold your baby all the time, and play with them and talk to them.
Well obviously! I thought thats what all parents did? What do normal parents do then, just leave their baby in a cot all day?
This is a serious question I want to know because I don’t ahve experience of seeing mothers and babies together I only have my own experience to go by and holding and talking to my babies all the time is what came naturally.
If this ‘attachment parenting’ is something only a minority of parents practice then what do the majority do?
I know there is a lot more to attachment parenting its just that they say you should hold your baby all the time in a way that implies that most mothers don’t do that.
I just wanted to know if that was true or not
I am talknig mostly about young babies obviously if a baby is crawling aor walking you would not carry them all the time
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There is actually a name for a method of parenting that is the exact opposite. It revolves around “crying it out”, leaving a child to “learn” instead of beign taught.
There is more to attachment parenting than just babywearing but like you said, most of the things practiced in AP are already practiced by most mommies
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well, it’s case to case basis. as for me, i let my daughter play either on her playpen or around the house just as long as there aren’t any furnitures that she could bump into and hurt herself. if you carry your child too much, they tend to become so attached to you that you can’t do anything around the house which can be tiring sometimes…you know carrying your child around all the time. and in that way, letting your child play on his/her own, or let him/her watch cartoons, he’s/she’s also developing a sense of being independent, and he’s/she’s more likely to become self-confident. just let your child know that you’re around and whenever he/she needs you, you’re just one scream away!
I have seen parents leave their infants sitting in a car seat or bouncer seat constantly or laying down all the time. That’s why children develop flat and misshapen heads.
I personally can’t even put my babies down when they sleep. I breastfeed and co-sleep.
For many parents, that sort of bond just isn’t there. You can just prop up a bottle and leave them sit alone for hours.
Recently on the news a woman had her baby in a bouncer seat and she TAPED a pacifier down to stay in the baby’s mouth. She realized HOURS LATER that the child was dead. I just can’t imagine where people learn their parenting skills these days.
You should talk to and hold your baby alot. That’s what any good parent who cares about their baby would do. But it’s also healthy to let your child to get down and play on their own to. There needs to be a healthy belance between holding her and allowing her to play on her own. If she gets to use to you being right there in her face 24/7, then it could back fire on both of you. Some children are so attached to their mother/parents that the mother/parent can’t even take time out to do everyday things like cook dinner, do the dishes, and so forth because the parent has to take so much time out to be right there. Plus when you go to leave your child with a friend, family, ect to go to an appointment or just have time to yourself, she’s going to have a fit. My oldest one was one who would cry and cry and cry when I would leave her with someone before she turned one.
I think that it is pretty natural to do a lot of the attachment style parenting stuff. I also think it’s important to foster independance in your child too so that they know how to explore on their own as well. I love to do house work and yard work with my little guy in his “baby backpack” as we call it, but I also give him opportunities to play on his own. I guess he probably plays well on his own because he is confident in knowing that he is safe and his needs will be met.
I do believe in going out to dinner/movie with my husband regularly though and we do not co-sleep (except for naps and when we get him from his crib for his early morning feeding and snooze a little longer). I think that part of having a happy healthy baby is having a happy healthy relationship with your husband/partner too. I think that there needs to be a balance where you focus on your marriage (which ultimately provides a great foundation for a well adjusted and well loved) baby to grow from) and focus on your baby and how attending to both aspects of your life is important for both parties.
I think you should have lots of close contact with baby but I think that does come naturally – however, if you over do this exercise then you could have a real attention seeker on your hand – you won’t be able to answer the door, go to the toilet or do very much without the majesty making their presence known – I have three happy and well adjusted children and I just used common sense and a little bit of info found off family friends and books. Believe me as long as the child has fun, love and communication they are going to be just fine. Smother them with too much they will know how to pull your strings to their advantage……ignore their needs then they suffer in other ways. Its a balancing act and a fine line to find but don’t over worry about things – I know our children are not animals but the lioness doesn’t sit with a guide book or dvd on trying to see whats right and wrong with how she’s bringing up her cubs – and neither should we.
I think attachment parenting/babywearing is really cool! God willing, one day I plan on doing that. ….anyway…There is more to it than just wearing the baby but you should no that NO ppl (at least where I am) don’t always hold their babies all day! I rarely see any babywearing folks around these parts either lol.
Babywearing is great because you can continue to do housework etc while keeping your baby with you. (washing the dishes etc)…when you go shopping the baby doesn’t always have to be in a stroller or car seat…. It’s good for the baby too. Ppl say they cry less…
How did women work in fields and stuff all those years ago…they had a lot of help & they wore their children. This also helped them keep track of other kids they had. They can carry one child and hold the other child’s hand.
i always had my baby with me in my arms or on a sling, and she was really good, she didn’t need it, but she was a preemie (31 weeks) and in the hospital for a long time so when i finally got her home i just held her all the time. she is 2 now and very secure, she knows she meens the world to me and feels safe exploring her world. the people who say you don’t want them to get too attached are dumb, your their mom and they need that healthy attachment, you only have a precious little while before that baby grows up.
There is something between baby wearing and “leaving him in the cot all day”.
Attachment parenting requires that you not only be with your baby all the time, but that you have physical contact all the time. It eliminates the use of cribs, bassinets, strollers, infant seats, baby swings, bouncy seats, etc. Responsible use of these items is fine.
The way responsible people who do not use attachment parenting parent is to hold the baby through much of the day, but they do put the baby down some, too. Many even co-sleep so their baby is with them through the night.
My kids slept in cribs from day 1, and spent parts of the day not in my arms. I don’t think they suffered for it. They’re 3 & 5 and secure, happy, affectionate kids.
I think that if you make responsible parenting decisions based on what is best for your family, the kids will turn out fine. Attachment parenting works for some parents. It would not for me. My choices were not made based on some desire to conform to the majority, it was because I felt it worked best for my family.
You are going from one extreme to another. I did not hold my baby ALL the time. There was plenty of times when I didn’t..like nap time and when I placed her on a blanket on the floor with toys and entertainment.
Patsajak’s story turned my stomach. I’m crying for that baby who died lonely and rejected.
The way you worded your question is proof that AP is instinctual, not a newfangled revolution in parenting.
Get The Baby Book by William Sears. He has written other books, too, including The Attachment Parenting Book. They’re all awesome.
Mandy S is totally right. The way we live today is so different from the way we lived 1000 years ago. That’s right, 1000. We are no longer surrounded by extended family and in close contact with our neighbors (AKA other tribe members). Because we’re so “independent” (another word for detached), we need to put our babies down. That’s OK. Carry him/her as much as you can, then put her down so you can shower, cook and groom your eyebrows, or whatever YOU need to do for YOU. Good answer, Mandy S.
Get yourself a sling, put your mattress on the floor, and spoil your baby rotten! That’s what babies are for!
I did not attachment parent my young son. For me; it was simply not possible nor desirable. He was held a lot when he was really young as well as being with me until he needed to sleep or nap. I have never co-slept [routinely] with him and he learned to cry it out at six months. We roughed it out on his stomach taught him new things and just had a good time. I didn’t feel he needed me to hold him 24/7 and honestly couldn’t. Until he was four months I was a ’single’ mother because my husband was in Iraq. I also have a five year old who needs attention as well. Attachment parenting is not for everyone. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t leave my son in a cot at all when he was awake BUT he didn’t get held 24/7 either.
Attachment parenting, as I understand it, is a form of child rearing that goes beyond what is the cultural norm in the West. It includes what you refer to as babywearing and also co-sleeping.
It seems to be the norm in some cultures in less developed countries (in particular) – I’d be interested to read about the reasons for it – and its proponents regard it as a more loving, nurturing way of bringing up children.
For myself, I find the Western way of doing things – in general – suits me better and I don’t think there is anything inherently unloving or neglectful about not carrying your child around ALL the time. We don’t co-sleep either because we took the view that our daughter should learn to go to sleep without relying on our presence to enable her to do so. I respect the choices of others to do it differently but am happy with how we have done it.
Attachment parenting parents have a couple of different beliefs than regular parents.
Mainly:
No crying it out
No spanking
Baby wearing
breastfeeding
Alot of the time it goes hand in hand with being a *crunchy* parent which means alot of natural, homemade things.
Check out the link below, it might help you.
My parents raised me with a method of attachment parenting. As an infant I co-slept, and wasn’t left to sit in carseats for too long, but you can use common sense you can’t hold a baby 24 hours a day. Eventually as I got older the technique involved basically viewing me as an individual human being, and treating me with the same respect that any adult member of the house would recieve.
The next time you go to a shopping centre or high street, have a look round at the women with babies. Ask yourself – are most of them carrying their babies or are most of them pushing their child in some kind of pushchair?
All those women with their baby in a pushchair are NOT doing attachment parenting – they are not holding their babies. They are doing what the majority of parents do.
Attatchment parenting means that you never put your baby down. So say your baby falls alseep for the night at 8pm. Rather that putting the baby in a crib or moses basket and for a few hours while dinner is eaten etc, someone practicing attachment parenting will put the baby in a sling so they are still holding them while they prepare and eat their dinner.
The majority of parents put their babies down for their naps and at night, and they use pushchairs when they take them out for a walk. I personally don’t think that it’s natural to never put your child down as most parents need time to do other things.
Yes, some do not have the natural affection that you describe. A lot of mothers let their babies cry it out & think that is a good thing.
Why teach independence at such a young age, they will assert their independence on their own in a few short years & you’ll wish you could hold them again?!
It only teaches their child that their caregiver is no longer caring & so eventually the baby gives up & stops crying.
Crying is communication on a baby’s level. How ridiculous to want to shut them up, so to speak.
You- stop talking, hush, don’t say anything now….
That is essentially what parents are telling their child when they leave them alone for periods of time to just cry.
The child needs love, being held, attention. It is in their make-up, not because they are manipulating their parents.
Do not have children people, if you are not capable of teaching your child love from the start.
That is how we learn to love… vicious teens & adults now, did not receive love as a child/infant.
Somewhere along the road, they were taught to shut up & were not able to form attachments, so why should they be expected to show care, respect, & so on as adults!!??
Sorry for the ramble, but your observation is so true.
I agree w/ you 100 %.
When I had little ones vacuums didn’t have a drive button. Meals were not cooked in microwaves and I mowed the lawn while they took a nap in their crib.Neither of my children were constantly held. Both are fine upstanding adults now. One with four of her own. More convince is why you can have attachment parenting these days. How do you get everything done? What about cleaning the bathroom? Chemicals are not good for little ones. I’m sure it works good if both parents are WILLING participants.
Most Mums I have seen hold their baby alot but do put them down occasionaly.
young babies. under crawling age… yes love them to bits. i believe in lots of hugs and kisses and holding time… on the other hand. i also believe in self soothing. but this comes along with crawling etc. if you pick a baby up right when they wake and cry. as example . they don’t learn to take care of their own problems (self sooth) love away. i think thats more normal.
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