Have Reasonable Expectations of Your Children’s Behavior

Posted by Dr. Noel Swanson.. on April 23, 2008

Every parent has expectations of their children. These expectations are formed unconsciously from our own wants and desires. They are important. Expectations form the foundation for many things in our lives.

As parents, you have to pause and evaluate your expectations from your children once in a while to see if they are reasonable or not. It is, of course, very difficult to come to any definite conclusion about them, but you must try to have positive and reasonable expectations otherwise there will be frustration for all concerned.

To come to any reasonable conclusion about the reasonableness of your expectations you will have to do some research – inside and outside. Outside, compare your expectations with others; don’t compare your children with other’s children. Look into what the established child behavior guidelines are for your child’s age. If a child at one is not expected to construct a full sentence, don’t expect it from your child.

And, inside, look at yourself objectively, or put yourself in the shoes of the child and you will get a fairly good idea whether it is you or your children who are being unreasonable.

Children cannot be compared, and it is one of the most common mistakes parents make when they compare their child with the neighbor’s. If your child happens to be average in studies, try your best to help him improve but learn to accept it. All children are not born to be geniuses. Your child might have some other talent; look for it and develop that instead of harping on grades.

Frustration is the other side of the coin of expectation. Unreasonable expectations will lead to serious disappointment. Allow your child to grow freely within the accepted framework of society and don’t impose unnecessary standards that must be achieved. This way, you will automatically cut out child behavioral problems.

It is equally important to convey your reasonable expectation in child behavior to your child. You can formulate a set of goals in different areas of child discipline, and hold to them. Make sure to reward your children for meeting those expectations and encourage them to reach more, once they’ve reached one.

Children thrive on love and praise. Encouraged by rewards they strive to reach higher goals. Never try to impose your desires onto your children. If you couldn’t achieve your goals, don’t re-live your dreams through your children. That only creates negative environment, child behavior problems and child discipline issues. Reasonable expectations promote growth and positive self image and are an essential parenting skill.

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