The Challenges Facing The 21st Century Parent

If there’s one thing that every parent has had to learn the hard way, through experience, it is this – that parents are always wrong. Whatever we choose to do as parents, a friends’ parents are doing differently, or whatever we think is good advice to follow today, was scrapped by everyone else yesterday. Being a parent is hard work, and after all those childhood years resenting our own parents and vowing that we would do things so much better if only given the chance, we are now well aware that we are the very parents that we vowed we’d try not to be as children. It might well be the case that we’re not making the same mistakes as our parents, but we’re excellent at making whole rafts of new ones to make life interesting for ourselves and our children.

One aspect in particular which has worried parents today, and which was not an issue back in the days when we were children, is the advent and proliferation of computers and other technologies which allow our children to meet, interact and communicate online with people from all over the world, and to spend hours glued to a screen focussing entirely on moving bunches of pixels from one place to another in a desperate attempt to do strange things like finish the ‘Quest of The j’Graa Goblet’ or seek out Lord Krakticka to pwn him with the rest of the guildies. If this means nothing to you, then join the club – it’s a big club, with a growing number of members.

Parents aren’t idiots – we’re most of us quite capable of working a computer, typing up a letter, creating a graph and sending off some emails, but computers seem to have a whole other world built in to them that leaves many of our generation reeling at the prospect. For those of us who shred our telephone and gas bills before binning them, and always ask to see the identity card of the man standing at our doorstep wanting to read our meter, the idea of happily posting your most intimate details on a worldwide system for the entire world to see and do what they like with is awful. Whilst having friends all over the world sounds appealing, having friends we have never met and are never likely to challenges our understanding of what friends are. Just because you hang out in Doom Forest killing dwarves from the opposite faction each evening doesn’t, in our traditional book, constitute a friendship.

Then of course there are our worries and concerns regarding the dubious people online that are simply there to lure our children to some dark alley and do what they will with them. We hear the statistics and see the news stories of yet another child who met up with some stranger from the internet and was never seen again, and it’s easy to be tempted to unplug the computer and throw it on the bonfire as though tainted in some evil way.

But the truth is that it is not the computer which is dangerous, and the internet is not an enemy or something dark and subterranean that we should, or could, avoid. Every day we take many risks that could potentially endanger our lives. We drive a tonne of metal at sixty miles an hour just feet from other lumps of metal coming the other way, and accept this as perfectly normal. We stand far more chance of being killed driving on the road than we do of encountering danger on the internet. The difference is both in perception, and understanding. We perceive danger in the internet largely because of a lack of understanding, but because we understand the nature of the risks of driving, we see less danger. We wouldn’t drive on the motorway blindfolded, because we’d almost certainly be killed. Being voluntarily blinded to the risks of the internet not only increases our perception of the danger, but the actual level of risk involved.

It’s important, therefore, that we appreciate what the real risks are when using the internet, because the more we know and understand what the real risks and dangers are, the better we can help inform and advise our children. If we allow them to take advantage of the incredible technologies that surround us, but hold their hand through the learning stages, then we are all far more likely to come out the other side unscathed. If you can understand more about chat rooms, messenger clients, profiles and online games, then there will be more of a chance to chat with our children about what they are doing. We all accept, I’m sure, that we can’t ban them from living in the 21st century, and so we have to accept that, just as we had to learn the dangers of the road, which was not an issue back in our own parents’ or grandparents’ days, our children have to be taught the dangers of life on the digital highway.

In just the same way that we tell children not to talk to strangers, not to accept sweets from people they don’t know, not to go out alone, but to stay with a friend, to report anyone acting strangely, and other basics to help them stay safe when out and about in our own neighbourhoods, making sure that they realise that people they communicate with on the internet have the advantage of anonymity and can disguise themselves far more easily online than they could in real life. A 12 year old boy your child bumps into at the park is clearly exactly that – he needs no further proof to back up his claim, and is therefore probably quite safe as a friend. However, someone online who claims to be a 12 year old boy has only words to prove it, and a photo which could easily be lifted from any of the billions of sources on the internet.

A cursory look through the internet, or the shelves of your local computer retailer, you’ll see hundreds of so-called solutions. These typically lock down your computer, creating barriers and firewall, monitoring the use of the computer, logging and recording everything that takes place, and generally creating a regime of fear on the computer. But since this only generates either resentment, or curiosity within our children, the best solution really is to communicate with them. We taught them about the dangers of strangers, crossing the road, and real life – why not extend those skills to the virtual world? By having the computer somewhere visible, rather than hidden away in their bedroom, you will have a chance to see what they’re doing, talk to them about it, ask questions, and help to inform them so that they can make the decisions about the risks they take themselves. We can’t lock our children away in a safe room somewhere – but we can help to arm them with the tools they need to stay safe in the 21st century.

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